Late-Night Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's top entertainers spent the broadcast mocking former President Donald Trump's newly announced immigration initiative, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Pointed Spin

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic holiday song directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils all he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative that permits overseas citizens to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for 5 million. A government portal promises processing "in record time."

"One note for you to wealthy applicants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the card is also intended to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, with large payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best vetting the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining poll numbers amid economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of food items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.